Quite by accident, I found out that my husband had invited guests to our home.
And he had not even bothered to ask me whether I wanted that, whether I was ready for it, or whether I could host such a whole crowd of people.
March 8 was approaching, and my dear Nikolai could not think of anything better than inviting his parents and his sister’s entire family to our apartment — her husband and their three children included.
Naturally, I was surprised. But what upset me even more was how easily Nikolai had decided what would happen with my time and our shared home without asking my opinion at all.
“No, my dear, that is not how this is going to work! I’m not a fool either. You won’t please your mommy and sister at my expense,” I decided. “Oh, how clever you think you are! He probably doesn’t want to spend money on gifts, so he came up with this convenient little plan. But I can be clever too.”
I had always considered myself a smart woman, and I had never argued openly with my mother-in-law. I simply saw no point in it. But I had always understood perfectly well — felt it instinctively — that my husband’s mother did not like me. Most likely, she thought I was arrogant and proud. In fact, she had once described me exactly that way to her daughter, thinking I could not hear her.
My relationship with my sister-in-law was even colder. Galina envied me in everything — my success at work, my appearance, and my ability to look polished and elegant. She did not even try to hide it.
“Galya, don’t be jealous,” I would tell her whenever she made sharp comments about how some people could eat anything and never gain weight, as if it were all just nature’s gift. “You’d be better off taking care of your figure. Cut out the extra calories, add some exercise — and you’ll be happy. Believe me, nothing came to me for free either. Everything you see is the result of hard work.”
My sister-in-law would snort unhappily and find another reason to criticize me.
And now I had discovered that, instead of spending the holiday pleasantly and doing something good for my health, my husband apparently expected me to become a cook, waitress, cleaner, and dishwasher all in one. All day long, I was supposed to serve his relatives and force a smile until my cheeks hurt.
But I decided things would go differently.
When I came home from work, I heard that my husband was already there, speaking loudly on the phone. After listening for a moment, I realized Nikolai was talking to his mother. My mother-in-law loved calling her son in the evenings to complain about her difficult life.
“Mom, don’t worry so much. Everything will be fine. The plumber will come and fix it. He’ll repair that miserable pipe. I understand it’s inconvenient. Of course I understand. Yes, Mom, without water, as the famous song says, you can’t do anything!” Nikolai tried to turn it into a joke.
Apparently, his mother’s problems had not touched him too deeply. Or perhaps my husband was simply trying to cheer her up.
“You and Dad can go stay with Galina for a couple of days. What’s the problem?” Nikolai suggested.
Listening carefully to my husband’s conversation, I went into the kitchen to prepare something for dinner. Nikolai continued talking loudly to his mother.
“Yes, Mom, yes… I remember perfectly well that tomorrow is a holiday. What about Galina? Ah, so that’s it! She’s in a bad mood, you say? And why should you care? She’s always in a bad mood. She’s been like that since childhood. Her husband irritates her, the children drive her crazy. So what now? If you pay attention to every one of her moods, you’ll run out of patience,” Nikolai continued.
I sat down in the kitchen and began listening even more carefully.
“Mom, you’ve found yourself a real tragedy! Galina won’t set the table — so what? Oh, I see. Tomorrow is a holiday? Well, it’s a holiday, and?” Nikolai fell silent, clearly listening to his mother. Then he continued just as loudly and emotionally.
“Well, what’s the issue then? All of you can come to our place,” my husband suddenly turned the conversation in the direction he wanted.
I nearly gasped out loud.
“Well, that’s a twist! Look how smoothly he handled that,” I whispered, trying to control my emotions and not interrupt him yet. I wanted to hear the rest.
“What? What are you saying, Mom? Irina? No, she doesn’t know yet. My wife and I haven’t discussed it. But I think she won’t mind. And if she does, I’ll persuade her,” Nikolai assured his mother.
He ended the call, and at that moment I entered the living room with a very surprised expression.
“What exactly did I just hear? Don’t you want to explain, darling?”
“Oh, Irishka, you’re home already? You heard everything, then? Good. You see what happened — my parents had a leak in their apartment, and the water was shut off. The repairman won’t come for two days. Mom is upset. Galina is always gloomy anyway. So I decided we could all gather here. For your women’s holiday. Why not? We’ll sit together, talk, have tea and cake,” my husband suggested with a smile.
“Oh really? Tea and cake, and nothing more? And will you even buy that cake yourself?” I asked with obvious sarcasm, knowing perfectly well how much my mother-in-law and sister-in-law loved to eat, especially when it was at someone else’s expense.
“Well, I only said that as an example. You understand. We’ll prepare something for the table. It won’t be difficult for us, right?” Nikolai said. “And you, my dear, always make such delicious meals. My parents love your cooking.”
“Yes, I do cook well. I won’t deny that. But the problem is, I personally had no intention of setting any tables,” I managed to say calmly, because there was no point in starting a scandal. Everything could be solved peacefully.
At that very moment, a plan began forming in my head. A plan to teach everyone a lesson at once. To make my husband remember his little trick, so he would never behave that way again. And to teach my mother-in-law and sister-in-law not to come visiting without being invited by the actual hostess of the home — me.
On March 8, I woke up early as usual. Even better, I woke up in a wonderful mood. After doing my exercises and taking a contrast shower, I prepared myself a light breakfast — coffee and toast with red fish and soft cheese. Nikolai was still asleep.
As I ate breakfast alone, I thought sadly about what a passive and boring husband I had ended up with. He could have woken up before me and prepared some kind of surprise. At the very least, he could have run downstairs to the flower kiosk and bought flowers. Or made a festive breakfast while wearing a bright apron with flowers on it. It was not some impossible task. The main thing was simply wanting to do it.
Nikolai got up closer to ten. Sleepy, he came out of the bedroom, yawning widely and scratching his stomach under his T-shirt. After drinking some tea, he asked me what needed to be bought for the table I was supposedly going to prepare for the guests.
“What time are they planning to come?” I asked.
“Around two, I think.”
“Oh, then I’ll have time,” I calmly assured him. “And there’s no need to buy anything. Everything has already been bought.”
To be completely honest, I could barely hold myself together. My fake calmness was taking a great deal of effort.
Yes, I had every reason to feel gloomy. Neither my beloved husband, nor my father-in-law, nor my sister-in-law’s husband Fyodor had congratulated me on the holiday. They could have at least sent a card to my phone out of basic politeness. Only my son Denis, who lived and studied in another city, called to congratulate me and even sent a beautiful bouquet by courier.
My mother-in-law was silent too, like a secret agent. Not one call, not one message saying that the whole crowd was planning to descend on my home in the hope of celebrating the holiday cheerfully and with plenty of food. That was what I could not understand.
If you are going to visit someone, call. Warn the hostess. Let the woman whose home you are entering know about it. Ask whether you should bring something. Apologize, at the very least, for showing up without a proper invitation.
But no. Nothing. Not a word. Not a sound.
Thinking about all this, I once again became convinced that I was doing the right thing.
About two hours before the relatives were expected to arrive, Nikolai began to get nervous.
“Ira, are you sure you’ll have time? Have you seen what time it is? There isn’t much time left. And nothing is ready yet. You haven’t even started. How is that possible? Everyone will probably come hungry. Four adults and three children — that’s a whole crowd. Besides, they know how delicious and abundant your meals always are. They’re probably saving their appetites for the holiday feast.”
“You know what I’ll tell you, my dear? Instead of interfering in my business, you should go pick up your parents. They won’t all fit in one car with Galina and her husband anyway. And on your way back, stop at the store and buy a cake for tea. I remember you said something about tea and cake. We don’t have any cake.”
“Fine, I’ll do that. What kind should I buy?” Nikolai asked, confused.
“That’s for you to decide. Buy whichever one you like. Though I think the biggest one would be best.”
“All right, I’m going. But Ira, please hurry up with the table,” my husband said anxiously, watching me search for something in the wardrobe. “Your calmness is making me nervous.”
“Really? It doesn’t bother me at all. Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.”
As soon as my husband left, I immediately called my old friend Katya, with whom I had already planned a trip out of town that day. We had decided to go skiing one last time that season. Luckily, the weather was perfect — there was still plenty of snow outside the city, the sun was shining brightly, and the light frost only made everything feel more refreshing.
“Katya, I’m ready! So, are we going? The ski base is waiting for us!” I said cheerfully into the phone.
Twenty minutes later, dressed in my ski suit and carrying a thermos of hot tea and some sandwiches, I was waiting for my friend near the entrance to my building.
“Ira, we’re here! Where are you? Come greet the guests!” Nikolai shouted as he opened the apartment door.
Silence answered him.
“What’s going on? Where is she? Did she run out to the store?” he wondered. “Come in, everyone. I’ll find out what’s happening.”
The guests began noisily taking off their coats in the cramped hallway, cheerful and full of expectation, clearly looking forward to a rich feast.
“Oh, we are so hungry!” Galina said. “We didn’t even have breakfast today. Well, to be fair, we woke up late, almost at lunchtime. So, children, are you ready to enjoy Aunt Irina’s dishes?”
“Yes!” the children shouted together.
“But I don’t smell any food,” my mother-in-law said in confusion as she walked into the kitchen. “Kolya, the kitchen is empty! And the table isn’t set! What kind of joke is this? Are you mocking us?”
“Empty? How can it be empty?” Nikolai appeared in the kitchen after his mother. “Yes… it really is empty. I don’t understand anything. I’ll call her now and find out. Maybe Ira prepared a surprise for us. Maybe she ordered restaurant delivery or something like that. That’s quite popular nowadays.”
“Well, what can I say? The surprise is a success!” Nikolai’s mother said angrily.
“Where is Irka?” Galina asked, following everyone into the kitchen. “And what are we supposed to eat? There’s nothing here…”
“Ira, where are you?” Nikolai shouted into the phone. “Where? What ski base? Have you lost your mind? What are you doing there? Skiing? She’s skiing,” he told everyone, completely bewildered. “What about the table? What? I can’t hear you, Ira!”
“Well? Did we have a lovely visit? Did we sit at a beautifully set table?” his mother snapped. “A huge thank-you to your wife for such a holiday. How low of her to treat us this way! Such disrespect! To invite us over and then run away from home!”
“So what are we supposed to do now?” Galina asked her brother, opening the empty refrigerator.
“Irina said to drink tea with cake. I bought the cake,” Nikolai said quietly, lowering his eyes to the floor. “Would you like some tea?”
“Tea with cake? Well, isn’t that something! What nerve! And this is instead of a holiday table? We haven’t eaten anything today! We were preparing for a feast! My children are hungry! Are you making fun of us?” hungry Galina shouted loudly.
“Why are you shouting? What will that change? Maybe we should go to a café?” Fyodor suggested to his wife.
“A café? Great idea! Why not a restaurant while you’re at it? Found yourself a rich man, did you? Can you even imagine how much it would cost for our whole group to eat and drink properly there? Exactly!”
“All right, if you don’t want cake, I’ll think of something. I’ll order pizza. Would you like that?” the host of the apartment asked hopefully.
“What pizza? Order shashlik! And some vegetables, greens, flatbread. And plenty of it! Plenty!” Fyodor objected.
“Just order something already. Our stomachs are growling. And Father and Fedya can go down to the store. We need to drink to March 8, after all. You don’t even have any alcohol here. What a visit this turned out to be! We’ll remember this holiday for a long time!” my mother-in-law complained loudly.
“You certainly will remember this holiday for a long time,” I thought at that very moment, skiing across a snow-white field.
I also decided to call my husband and tell him I would not return home until he cleaned the apartment after his guests. And that is exactly what I did.
After the ski base, Katya and I went to her place, where, in the best mood, we drank a glass of champagne each in honor of our women’s holiday.
And I did not have to set a single table.
Everything was wonderfully light and easy.
