Valka, dance!» shouted Lyubasha, the postwoman, as she ran into the yard, waving an envelope in her lifted hand.
«Oh, leave me alone!» Valentina waved her hand dismissively and adjusted the scarf on her head, «I’m not up for dancing. The water’s boiling; I need to sterilize the jars. I’m pickling cucumbers.»
«Here you go!» Lyuba handed her the letter and sighed, «You’re lucky, Valka! All the women are envious of you.»
«What’s there to be envious of?» Valentina was surprised.
«How can you ask? You have a full house. You live soul to soul with your husband, you’ve raised a daughter, a beauty, a smart one. Your Volodya earns good money on his shifts. You’ve got everything under control—home and garden, and you work no less than anyone else. Well done! And our alcoholics, they only think about where to find a drink in the morning. Don’t say you’re not lucky.»
«Oh, come on, Lyuba, as if you don’t know how much I’ve had to endure before Volodya became who he is now. Forgotten everything? He used to do worse things than any of them, so really, there’s nothing to envy. Well, I must run, really, no time at all. Thanks for the letter!»
«Don’t mention it,» answered Lyubasha, already at the gate.
Valentina entered the house and, placing the envelope on the table, decided first to deal with the cucumbers and then to calmly read the letter from her husband. As she screwed the lids on the pickle jars, she reminisced. How they met, how much they had endured. Even these women, who now envied her, had once told her to leave Volodya, saying he was no good to her, that she’d be better off alone. But she fought for her family and persevered.
Valentina was born and raised in this village, while Volodya was a city boy, here on an internship after his third year of college. Once, Valentina went to the club with the girls. Her parents were then away at a wedding overnight, so she took the chance to escape; otherwise, she was never allowed to go to discos, raised strictly. Standing shyly by the wall, Valya noticed a strange boy staring at her, then whispering something to his friends, he headed straight towards her.
«Hello!» he said with a dazzling smile on his face, looking at her so tenderly that Valya drowned in the depths of his gray eyes.
She couldn’t utter a word, just nodded in response and blushed. Fortunately, it was dimly lit, and she hoped her embarrassment wasn’t too visible.
«Shall we dance?» asked Vladimir, introducing himself. «And your name?»
«Valya,» she replied quietly. «And I don’t dance.»
«Why come here if not to dance?» he asked, extending his hand. «Come on? I admit, I don’t dance either, but I came with friends, then I saw you, and decided that it’s time to start.»
«Okay,» Valentina placed her hand in his outstretched palm and felt goosebumps all over her skin from his warmth.
From that day, Vladimir came every evening to Valya’s house and waited for her to be able to come out. Soon her parents suspected their daughter was hiding something and ordered her to bring this student home.
Valentina was very nervous. What if Vladimir didn’t like her parents and they forbade her from seeing him? But the young man made a good impression, though her father warned him right away—if he dared to upset his daughter, he’d be in trouble. But that didn’t scare Volodya. Now he behaved more confidently, and when his internship ended, he proposed to Valya.
«I don’t know,» Valentina shrugged shyly. «My parents always told me not to even think about a family until I got my diploma.»
«Then let me talk to them myself,» insisted Vladimir. «I just realized it will be hard to live far from you. I want to be with you always.»
And Valentina didn’t object. «Nothing ventured, nothing gained,» her grandmother used to say. Even if her parents refused, it was better than staying silent and wondering. To her surprise, her parents gave their blessing. A month later, they married, and Valya moved in with her husband, though living with her in-laws turned out not to be as sweet as living with her own mother and father. So after both got their diplomas, they decided to live in Valya’s native village.
Valentina’s parents had a big house, part of which they gave to the children. They made a separate entrance, and the young couple had their own roof over their heads. Life seemed good, but soon Vova began to change. He met some locals at work and started drinking with them. Valya initially took it calmly—who among men doesn’t drink? However, gradually her husband began to reveal his darker side. He might shout or swing at her. Valya never told her parents, knowing her father would not let her be insulted, and she really didn’t want to quarrel with her husband. And each time after Volodya’s binges, she tried to talk to him kindly, asking him to give up alcohol if it changed him so much. He promised, asked for forgiveness for his actions, but his promises didn’t last long.
They lived like this for a couple of years until Valya’s parents died. There was an accident at the factory where they worked, right in the section they were in at the time. Vladimir supported his wife well, staying sober and being there for her until Valya came to her senses, and then he went on his first long binge. He was on vacation and, leaving himself some money, met his wife from work «under the influence» every day.
Valentina, still not fully recovered from the loss of her dearest people, finally snapped. She pushed her husband away when he, drunk, started to hug her.
«Stop,» she said, and Volodya didn’t like it.
That’s when he hit her for the first time, even threatening her with more if she complained.
In the morning, he begged for forgiveness on his knees, and she tearfully asked him to rethink.
«Maybe you should get treatment, Vova?» she asked hopefully.
«What, you think I’m an alcoholic?» he retorted hurt. «No, I can quit on my own, no need for all that!»
«But you only promise me,» cried the wife. «I can’t take it anymore, Volodya, I won’t make it! We should already be thinking about a child, but I’m still nursing you like a little kid. Pull yourself together, if you don’t want a divorce!»
Volodya promised again, relapsed again, promised again. He was demoted at work. And after another relapse, when Valya had to run away from home, he decided. He dared to get treatment for alcoholism, although he still believed he wasn’t an alcoholic.
Vova held on for several months, but one day at a colleague’s birthday party, they poured him some wine, and he couldn’t refuse. Nothing terrible, as the doctors had warned, happened. And it all started over. By that time, Valentina realized she was pregnant, but she felt no joy. How to raise a child with such an irresponsible husband?! Talking about it with Vova was useless; she already knew what he would say, and she was tired of it all. Seizing the moment when Vladimir was as clear as glass, Valya gathered her courage and declared she had decided to divorce.
«You know, Vova,» she said, her voice betraying her trembling, «I don’t want to raise a child in an unhealthy environment. And I don’t want to be this nervous now, causing harm to the baby who hasn’t even been born yet. So either you leave, or finally keep your word and quit once and for all. You can! I know. You just don’t want to, for some reason.»
After this conversation, Vladimir held out for almost a month, then came home close to midnight and started demanding dinner from Valya.
«What are you slumped here for?» he approached the bed where his wife was already asleep, «Where’s dinner for your beloved husband?» he yelled, throwing shoes around.
Valya felt her stomach clench tightly, and she screamed, writhing in pain. Vladimir sobered up instantly. He ran to a neighbor to call an ambulance, as they had no phone at home. Then he sat next to his wife and cried.
«Unfortunately, we couldn’t save the baby,» said the doctor, coming out to Vladimir, who was waiting in the hospital’s reception room where his wife was brought.
Valentina didn’t want to see her husband, but he sat in the meeting room and waited for her all day. Valya sent him a note with a nurse, asking him to clear out the house before her discharge and never to show up before her again, since he chose the bottle.
But Vova didn’t give up. He waited for his wife to be discharged and was waiting for her at the hospital from early morning with a big bouquet of chrysanthemums. When she came out, he got on his knees and begged for her forgiveness. But Valya just gave him an indifferent look and repeated that she no longer wished to see him.
Volodya’s things were not at home. A neighbor later told her that he was renting a room from old lady Gelya, said it was temporary until his wife forgave him. But Valya decided that she would divorce him. It was terrifying to remember the time lived with her husband; Valya became unlike herself. Volodya met her every day after work, swore he had given up drinking forever, but she could no longer believe him. After a month, Vova was unrecognizable—thin, his shirts hanging off his shoulders as if on a hanger. And Valentina felt sorry for him, looking so lost. When one day he didn’t meet her as usual, she decided he was tired of asking for forgiveness and humiliating himself. But in the evening, a neighbor informed her that Volodya had fallen ill, the local paramedic suspected inflammation, and he refused to go to the hospital, even forbade calling an ambulance. And Valya couldn’t hold back; she went to him.
«You’re acting like a capricious child,» she said sternly, «Who are you trying to help by driving yourself to the grave? Do you want to cause me even more pain? To get revenge? You’re still the same person.»
With these words, she left, but within an hour, she saw an ambulance pull up to old lady Gelya’s house, and soon Vova came out of the yard and got into the car. A couple of days later, Valya decided to visit him. Seeing her husband in the hospital bed, with an IV needle in his arm and a stand with three bottles of medicine next to the bed, Valya nearly cried, but managed to hold back. She started coming often, brought homemade food, and when Vova recovered, she said quietly.
«Come back home, but just know, if I even smell alcohol again, I won’t forgive you.»
Volodya began to kiss her hands and cried, not paying attention to the astonished looks of the ward neighbors.
«Thank you, Valechka, I won’t let you down! I’ll remember forever how much I hurt you, never again!»
And he kept his word. After a few months, he got a job working shifts, and life began to sparkle anew. Two weeks on shift, two weeks at home. A year later, Valya got pregnant again, and when he was home, he carried her in his arms. He tried to do everything around the house to make it easier for Valya in his absence. Their daughter was born on time, healthy, and the spouses were happy. Vladimir took leave to help his wife initially. He himself got up to the baby at night, learned to bathe and swaddle. The girl was calm, and when Volodya had to go back to work, he knew Valya would manage. So they lived for many years. Last year their daughter got married, lives in the city with her husband. And Vladimir works almost without a break this year. Three months away, two weeks at home.
«I, Valyusha, want to earn more so we can live comfortably later, and then I’ll quit altogether. I’ve had enough, got tired, we’ll live like humans, I miss you so much.»
And Valya didn’t argue. Her husband earned well. They were able to buy an apartment for their daughter, helped the young couple stand firm on their feet.
Now her husband sent letters to Valya, and she wrote him back. She missed him very much. Everything from the past was long forgotten; now her husband didn’t even wet his lips during holidays, as they say. And Valya was happy. She looked at the neighboring men, sighed secretly, and thanked God that He had enlightened her husband.
So, lost in memories, Valya didn’t notice how she screwed all the jars. She turned them upside down, wrapped them more securely in a blanket, and, clearing the table, poured herself a cup of tea with jam, settled comfortably in her favorite armchair, and opened the envelope.
«Hello, Valechka,» her husband wrote. «How are you all there? How’s Dasha? Is everything okay with them? I hope so, her husband is good, you can be calm. How are you? Not sick? You must be very tired, it’s such a time. Valyusha, I must ask for forgiveness, but I no longer have the strength to lie and pretend that nothing is happening. I first thought it would resolve itself, and you wouldn’t find out, but circumstances are taking a serious turn. In short, forgive me, I beg you, forgive me if you can. In short, Valechka, my dear, beloved, I won’t return to you. I met a woman… I want to stay with her. You are still young, you are very beautiful, though I never told you, you deserve happiness, and I hope that you will meet someone more worthy. I will send money, put it in your savings book, to have it just in case. Tell your daughter not to hold a grudge either. Don’t remember me badly. I am so guilty before you, my dear, but life is a harsh thing, I never expected it to turn out this way. Forgive. Goodbye. Be happy.»
Valentina reread the lines again and again, but her mind blocked the essence of what she read. Valya took a sip of tea, remembered how her husband loved the same tea with lemon balm, how he sometimes sat opposite her, here, in this room, and smiled, sipping tea. Her heart pinched, Valya only now understood that this would never happen again. No, she would not forgive the infidelity! Never!
How had she not guessed? Last year Volodya had been somewhat strange. He had become gaunt, even a hint of gray touched his hair, and Valya attributed it to fatigue. Of course, he had been working so much lately. But it turned out he had found another… He lived with her, and to Valya, he came only for a while! Well, such men are not lying around on the road. He didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, earned money, any woman would take a look, Valya understood perfectly. Previously, that coquette would hardly have looked at him, but now, all ready, why not take him. Volodya himself probably wouldn’t have dared; probably, some fury crossed his path. But you can’t argue with fate. Valya sighed heavily and sobbed loudly.
Then, calming down a bit, she decided that she wouldn’t suffer over a betrayer. Yes, he was right, she shouldn’t kill herself over this. Let everything go its own way, and let him be repaid according to his deeds.
Valentina decided not to tell her daughter about what happened yet, and she didn’t want to tell the neighbors either. They had already laughed that Volodya had been going on business trips more frequently, as if he might bring something home in his lap one day, but Valya had always waved it off, though they weren’t wrong. No man would just disappear for months for no reason.
…Two months passed. Valya sighed secretly, thinking that Volodya was now happy with another. One day someone knocked softly on her door. Valya opened it and stepped back, somehow deciding that the person standing on the threshold had brought some bad news. And she was not wrong.
«Hello, Valentina,» he said with sorrow in his voice, «May I come in? I was a colleague of your husband.»
Was? Why did he say «was»? And why such a sad look? Her heart pounded wildly in her chest.
«Come in,» said Valya, her voice suddenly hoarse, and she stepped aside.
The man walked into the kitchen, where Valya pointed with her hand, and stood, shifting from foot to foot.
«Please, come to the table, standing is not better,» offered Valentina. «Would you like some tea?»
«No,» the man shook his head, «Thank you. I… Let’s get right to business. Your husband, Vladimir… He passed away yesterday. He needs to be buried.»
«And what about… His woman, won’t she bury him?!» Valentina said, feeling a strong burning sensation in her chest, and tears flowed from her eyes in streams.
«You don’t know everything,» said the man, patting Valya on the shoulder lightly, «Please, try to calm down. Where is your water?»
He asked and already saw the faucet, took a glass from the table, filled it, and handed it to Valya.
«Drink this and listen to me. It was not easy for me to decide. Your husband asked me not to tell you. Here,» he placed an envelope on the table and continued, «This is money; he left it to me for his own funeral.»
«I don’t understand,» Valentina was agitated, «why you? How about his… Another woman?!»
«There was no other woman, Valentina. Volodya made it all up. I told him that it wasn’t right, but he insisted that you deserve happiness and if you thought he had betrayed you, you could meet another man and build a family again. He was very ill. When he found out his diagnosis, he believed he could beat the disease. That’s when he started going away for long periods. He underwent treatment in the hospital, then went to work on shifts for two seasons, then home, and back to the hospital. He believed they would cure him, and he would quit, able to spend every minute with you. But, the treatment didn’t work, and when he realized his days were numbered, he decided to write you that letter. He asked me to bury him when the time came. I hesitated for a long time but couldn’t fulfill his will. I hope he forgives me, as everything is probably understood differently up there, and I am sure that I am right. My condolences. I ask you to be strong and not to hold a grudge against your husband; he really wanted your good, thought it would be better this way. He was a good man, loved you and your daughter very much, many even envied him, everyone respected him at work, and hear me, he never had anyone but you.»
Valentina lowered her face to her hands and sobbed bitterly, not understanding why he had decided this. Why? And how would she live now?!
«I can’t accept this,» said Valentina, shaking her head. «I can’t live with this. How could he?!»
«Volodya believed his decision was the only right one,» said the man, who had even forgotten to introduce himself, «And we just have to accept it. I will help you organize… The funeral. Our office promised to provide a bus… We can also hold the wake in the cafeteria.»
Wake… Each word stung so painfully. Why didn’t he want his wife and daughter to be by his side in his final moments? Why did he choose to leave on a hospital bed? What guided him?! There were no answers to all the questions, but Vova’s colleague was right—this was his decision.
«You’re lucky, Valka!» Lyubasha’s words echoed in her head, and Valya nodded to her thoughts: «Lucky!»
