Oksana had long forgotten about her visit to Tamara when suddenly her husband came home and confessed he had met someone else.
«I don’t want to lie, Ksyusha. I won’t cheat. Let’s just part ways peacefully. I won’t abandon Andryushka.»
She thought the ground would open up beneath her and swallow her. Such grief! Her husband leaving… but for some reason, nothing opened up, and nothing swallowed her. She just sobbed a little.
Sergey left like a man. He left the apartment to them…
All her childhood, Oksana dreamed of one thing: to leave home. No, she wasn’t beaten or starved at home. Nothing criminal. She barely saw her father – he was always away on business trips. It was the eighties, and Boris worked as an engineer. Work, business trips, hangouts with colleagues. When dad was finally home, he was so tired he just collapsed on his sofa and waved everyone away.
«Natasha, what dinner? We ate in the cafeteria with the guys. Didn’t have the patience to make it home – we were hungry.»
And to his daughter:
«Oksana, sunshine, play by yourself. I have no strength. Let mom check your math.»
«You know math better!» Natasha would get annoyed.
«Then on Saturday.»
«But homework is due tomorrow.» Oksana would bleat.
Her mother venomously criticized the father, then firmly took her daughter to another room, sat her at the table, and checked her homework. All her dissatisfaction with her life she vented on Oksana. All for the best intentions, of course. She wanted a better future for Oksana. What exactly – she didn’t know. Few people at the time even knew there was another life; socialism seemed unshakable. But Oksana remembered how her mother hammered knowledge into her head and said:
«Study! You won’t achieve anything in life if you don’t study properly!»
In her free time from studying, Natasha tried to keep Oksana busy with housework. Here she also had ironclad arguments.
«A woman must know everything. And what’s with this fashion of resting? What are you tired of at twelve years old? Variety of labor is a form of rest! Time for work, an hour for fun.»
And so on. Oksana grumbled, puffed, but did everything. Sometimes – rarely – her grandmother would take her to the dacha, and it was easier to breathe there. Grandma simply said:
«Weed these two beds, and you’re free until dinner.»
Or:
«Pick a bucket of sea buckthorn and go play.»
The bucket was small; Oksana quickly managed and ran off to play with the neighborhood kids. But she was rarely let go to her grandmother’s. At home, her mother pressured, educated, gave her no rest or respite. And so it was, for as long as Oksana could remember.
True, by the tenth grade, she could do everything around the house, and she graduated school with just four «B’s» – the rest were «A’s.» And even her dad found time to come to her graduation – he had to, or Natasha would have nagged him to death. At the graduation, mom’s face wasn’t too pleased. She had put so much effort into her daughter, hoping for a medal. Even a silver one. And here, please. One «B» more than allowed for a medal. That’s how mom remained in Oksana’s memory. With a sour face – the photo still lies in the school album.
Oksana, of course, got into university. To the pedagogical, in the philology department. But as soon as she turned eighteen, she rushed to get married. She met her future husband, Sergey, in a cafe after university. Her mother still tried to pressure her, control her, and those outings to the cafe after studies were practically the only breather. She and her friend, Tanya, would get coffee, sit in a corner, and share their complicated lives. They discussed boys. University teachers. In general, they had fun as best they could. Not too skillfully: Oksana – her mother. Tanya – a widowed, loving to hit the bottle, father…
«The waiter said to pass this on.» – the waiter said, placing a bottle of champagne on the table.
He didn’t even think to ask for the girls’ IDs. It’s strict now, but back then, he just brought it and placed it. And the waiter’s face was like a conspirator’s.
«Who?» Tanya was amazed.
«It’s for your friend.» – the waiter clarified. – Over there, at the bar, a young man.
Sergey was six years older than Oksana. He made a living by bringing clothes and shoes from different republics of the USSR and selling them at the flea market.
«It’s dangerous, though.» – said Oksana. – There’s the police.
«Not anymore.» – Sergey waved it off. – Besides, we’ll soon be moving to a new level. Carrying products. Everything will change soon, Ksyusha. We’ll live well!
Of course, Oksana couldn’t properly date him. Only during the day, and by the time her mother came home from work, she needed to be home. And not just be there, but show some presence. Not idle, but useful. Prepare dinner, clean the apartment. In general, God forbid mom would suspect that Oksana was not at home, or she just lay around with a book on the sofa. So, the girl had to wriggle on the verge of exposure. She was like walking on a thin rope – one wrong step, and you’d fall.
«When are you turning eighteen?» – Sergey clarified.
«May tenth.»
«Let’s file the application now, and we’ll register on the tenth. And that’s it. Forget about your mom.»
«And can we file now? – Oksana was surprised. – Well… before eighteen?»
«It’s possible. I have connections.»
And they filed the application. Oksana simply confronted her mother with the fact. Like, this and that. I’m getting married. The mother was stunned. Then she got angry:
«How dare you?! I do everything so your life is successful, and you ruin it with your own hands?»
«That’s it, mom. Too late! I’m eighteen. And what will you do? Nothing!»
The rebellion that had been building in Oksana’s soul for all those years suddenly rose to the surface and burst out.
«And you, why are you silent?!» – Natasha lunged at Boris.
«And what is she wrong about? She’s of age. Wants to get married – let her.» – the father sighed.
He understood that once the daughter walked out the door, it was over for him. His wife would chew him out, blame him for everything, insult him. Well, at least Oksana broke free.
They lived with Sergey well. Quietly-peacefully – you could say that. He was often on trips. When not leaving for goods – he bustled about on business in the city. Oksana, as compensation, gave her cash. For the first time, she felt money in her hands and its possibilities. For this, Oksana tried to be a good housewife at home. It didn’t require much effort – her mother taught her everything. Maybe her mother wasn’t so wrong. Because when Sergey finally was home, he was utterly delighted. With the cleanliness. With the tasty food. With the overall coziness Oksana created in his home.
«How lucky I am!» – he would say enthusiastically, gobbling up pies and cutlets. – No, when I first saw you, I didn’t even suspect you’d be such a good wife. What am I saying! Excellent.
«Sergey…» – Oksana stammered. – We kind of did everything inhumanely. You don’t know my people. And I know nothing about your family…
«Oh! There’s nothing to know about them. They live in the region, in the most remote village. As they say, they twist cows’ tails. I barely escaped from them. Maybe I wouldn’t have escaped, would’ve rotted in the village, but I was lucky with the army. I got into the city, and the general took me as his driver. Well, I was smart enough to get a license. Well, after service, I just didn’t want to leave. Started hustling. Bought an apartment in a cooperative. Of course, they could have jailed me for black marketeering. But God spared me. And now they’ve loosened the screws, definitely nothing bad will happen. So, everything will be good with us!»
Of course, he was very simple… Oksana, raised in a family where her father was an engineer and her mother a primary school teacher, understood that there was a gap between her and Sergey. He didn’t even read books! But this man pulled her out of her mother’s hands, like a carrot from a bed. And Oksana was so tired on her bed… Exoticism was sometimes good too. Oksana even felt that she loved Sergey. With all her heart.
So, when she got pregnant, she began to await a son. Oksana was sure a boy would be born. She told her friend Tanya:
«I’m a little scared. You know, a child – it’s a big responsibility. What if I become as tough a mother as mine? What if I press my son with authority and understanding of how better for him?»
«I think Sergey won’t let you press on the child. Especially if it’s a boy. And then… if you understand everything, you already have a chance to avoid mistakes. Think about it!»
Oksana gave birth to a boy. Named Andrey.
«Andrey Sergeyevich…» – the husband thought. – Doesn’t it sound strange?
«Normal! I’ve wanted to name my son that since childhood.»
«Well, it’s up to you. You gave birth.» – Sergey smiled.
Andrey suffered from colic until four or five months. Oksana hadn’t really talked to her mother yet – Natasha was deadly offended at her daughter. No help was to be expected. Oksana took a leave of absence from the institute and rocked the screaming baby day and night. Sergey, perhaps, would have been glad to help, but he was hardly home. And that also scared Oksana. Here, her husband already behaves like her father – tries to stay away from home as little as possible. And then Oksana will become a copy of her mother and will raise Andryushka, holding him in iron gloves.
«Where are you constantly disappearing?» – she asked Sergey.
To his credit – appearing at home, he helped Oksana with the household. Washed, ironed, cooked. Tried to catch up on sleep under the son’s cries.
«What do doctors say? Why does he cry so much?» – Sergey was irritated.
«Colic! It happens. I give everything that’s supposed to be given. But this will take some time. I’m just falling apart myself. I press his stomach to me – he calms down. Hurts less. Only I fall asleep, stop pressing him – he starts crying again!»
«So you might even crush him.» – Sergey said puzzled. – «Let’s hire a nanny? And rest?»
«Oh, no!» – Oksana was scared. – «No-no. I’ll do it myself.»
Then Sergey went somewhere to Kazakhstan and just disappeared. Vanished. Cell phones weren’t around yet. Oksana was pacing the apartment, not understanding what to do. And then… she called her mother.
Cell phones weren’t around. But various psychics, magicians, and healers had appeared. Natasha got hooked. First, she watched on TV. And then even went to one.
«It’s all nonsense.» – her husband said. – «What do you want to find out there?»
«Oksanka’s fate. What awaits her in life.»
Psychic Elvira Dmitrievna said she needed to see the object, so to speak. Meet. A photo doesn’t give the right effect. And just at that moment, when Natasha was thinking about how to take her daughter to the psychic, Oksana called herself. The beast runs to the hunter!
Natasha, of course, heard that she had a grandson. At that time, she wasn’t pleased with the fact. But she used the situation. Said you could try to find out from the psychic what’s with Sergey.
«I know a good one.» – she said. – «We can go together.»
«Thanks. Just give me the coordinates, I’ll go myself.» – Oksana replied.
She already regretted that she rushed with her trouble to her mother. Some psychics… Oksana dressed Andryushka and went to the institute. Walked until Tanya got out of classes.
«Wow! What are you doing here?» – the friend was startled. – «Something happened?»
Oksana told her what happened.
«I just don’t understand what to do. And mother still… advises some nonsense!»
«You called your mother?»
«Well, yes! And she: go to a psychic! Completely already…»
«You know, psychics are a thing. If they’re not charlatans, of course.»
«Think so?» – Oksana was already desperate.
They decided to visit the psychic recommended by Oksana’s mother. They didn’t know any others anyway. There was no internet then either. Even reviews were nowhere to be read. They went into Oksana’s house, she changed and fed Andrey. Took a photo of her husband, and they headed to the given address.
They arrived, and Oksana immediately got an appointment. Tanya stayed to rock the baby in the corridor. Oksana spoke with Elvira, while anxiously listening – Andrey was wailing throughout the building. Elvira looked at the photo for a long time, then shook her head sadly:
«Nothing good to report. There was an accident. Most likely…»
«Oh, get lost!» – Oksana flared up and snatched the photo from the aunt’s hands. – «I don’t believe you! Got it? I don’t!»
It was quiet in the corridor. She thought Tanya had gone outside, but her friend was standing in the corridor, and her eyes were huge.
«What happened?» – Oksana lunged at her.
«A woman walked by. Passed her hand over Andryushka, and he quieted down. Fell asleep. She asked what we were doing here. I told her. She gave her address, told us to come in the evening.»
«And what’s with Andrey?» – Oksana asked in a frightened voice.
«Your Andrey is sleeping like a log! Look for yourself!»
The baby was sweetly snoring. His face was calm and serene. In the evening, leaving Tanya at her house with Andrey, Oksana went to the miraculous woman – the tamer of screaming infants.
«Hello.» – the lady greeted her from the threshold, about sixty years old. – «I’m Tamara. Well, what did Elvira scare you with?»
«Some horrors.»
«Let’s check everything now! No need to worry.»
«I didn’t believe her…»
Tamara glanced at Oksana, then at the photo of her husband.
«Everything’s fine with him. Serious car breakdown. He’ll find a way to contact you in a few days. And why are you so worried about him?»
Oksana was surprised by the question. In general, she loved Sergey. Lately, since Andrey appeared, she loved him even more. And here such questions…
«He’s my husband. I love him.»
«It seems so now. You didn’t capture your fate. Yours walks nearby.»
«Sorry…» – Oksana’s eyes bulged.
«It’s simple. You rushed to get married, so you clung to the first one who came along. And he’s not your fate. Someone else’s. Well, life will put everything in its place. Don’t worry. And your husband will show up in a few days. Alive and well. Just the car broke down in some steppe. In a remote place.»
«He went to Kazakhstan.»
«Ah, well that’s clear. Pay what you think is necessary. I have no fees.»
Oksana went home, and the next day Sergey called. He talked about the steppe and the engine breakdown.
«Tired, like a dog. Want to go home. To you.»
She listened to him and thought about how much she loved her husband. And she didn’t need any other fate, wherever it walked!
Oksana and Sergey lived together for another five years. She had already forgotten about her visit to Tamara when suddenly her husband came home and confessed he had met someone else.
«I don’t want to lie, Ksyusha. I won’t cheat. Let’s just part ways peacefully. I won’t abandon Andryushka.»
She thought the ground would open up beneath her and swallow her. Such grief! Her husband leaving… but for some reason, nothing opened up, and nothing swallowed her. She just sobbed a little.
Sergey left like a man. He left the apartment to them.
«Maybe you’ll meet someone too. With the living space, it’s more convenient.»
How good he was after all. Simple, but so good. And she? Why doesn’t she die of grief? Absolutely unclear!
They divorced. Andryusha went to kindergarten. Oksana returned to the institute and got her diploma. Life was measured and calm. Indeed! She didn’t even have to think about money – alimony from Sergey was enough for both son and herself. So, she, unhurriedly, thought about where she might go to work. So that they understand: she has a small child. Might get sick. And soon school will start… maybe go to work at a school? Like her mother? Education allows…
With her mother, they established a lean peace. Natasha sometimes took Andrey to her place for a day. And here’s what’s interesting! She dusted him off, didn’t make him do anything. Literally carried him in her arms.
«Mom, what’s with you?» – Oksana was amazed.
«I realized everything!» – her mother said. – «I won’t make the same mistakes with my own little blood! He will grow up in love!»
He did grow up. Dad loved him, mom loved him. And grandma loved him, and grandpa did too. One day Oksana left Andrey with her mother – she persuaded her – and was walking home. In her courtyard, some man was fiddling under the hood. There was no one else on the street.
«Oh, girl!» – he joyfully shouted. – «Help me, eh? Do you know how to drive?»
«No.» – Oksana backed away.
«Well, you don’t need to! Not necessary.»
The man turned out to be young and very handsome.
«I just stalled in the middle of the courtyard – can’t get around. Let me explain where the gas pedal is. If it doesn’t work – you’ll just have to steer a bit, and I’ll push it aside. Then I’ll deal with it tomorrow.»
The car was domestic. Oksana sat in it and pressed everything he said. Then she steered, and he rolled the clunker to the side – it didn’t start.
«Needs changing. But I can’t. It’s my father’s. I keep it as a memory.»
«Keep it! But you can drive something better. How old is it?»
«And… not much. Even less than ten. Usually, she behaves very decently. I don’t know what got into her. But you helped me a lot! And you can’t say you don’t know how to drive. Dinner’s on me!»
Oksana wanted to protest, but somehow she didn’t. And anyway, what did she have to lose?
They introduced themselves – his name was Vitya. They went to a restaurant. Then they walked for a long time. Vitya walked Oksana home and asked permission to call. She gave him her phone number.
Oksana and Vitya dated briefly. A week. And then they had an intimacy that shook Oksana to the core. Before Viktor, she had one man – Sergey. And with him, it was also good. But with Vitya, they matched, like pieces of a puzzle. Lying in bed and looking at the ceiling, Oksana didn’t feel that her hand was in his. It was as if it had always been there and was supposed to be there. Separate their hands, then you’ll feel… a void. A missing piece. Interesting, would only she feel it that way, or would he too?
«Vitya, have you been living in this house long?»
«Moved here six years ago.»
«You didn’t capture your fate. Yours walks nearby.» – she heard Tamara’s voice in her head, as clearly as if those words had just been spoken.
«And what next?» – she asked Viktor.
«Why guess?» – he was surprised.
«I’m so afraid to lose you!» – she unexpectedly said even to herself.
He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at her. Smiled.
«Where would I go from you?!»
He didn’t go anywhere. Still nearby. Now they’re babysitting grandchildren.
