Noticing that his mother was calling, Fyodor was in no hurry to answer. He already knew what she would want to talk about—no doubt she needed money again for his younger brother, Alexei. There was no other reason for his mother to call her eldest, unloved son. Every time he refused to help, he heard reproaches:
«You should have gotten rid of you when there was a chance! Grandma told me the folk method, but I pitied you. You shouldn’t have been born at all. I never loved your father. He took advantage of my weakness, and now you’re sucking me dry!»
Fyodor didn’t understand what he was doing wrong. He studied diligently at school, managed to get into university on a budget place. Even then, he moved to live in a dormitory, just to avoid troubling his mother’s eyes. The boy wanted to receive at least a bit of maternal love. When he was still a little boy, he secretly watched how his mother hugged Alexei to her chest, how tenderly she spoke with him, teaching him with special care. Fyodor was usually yelled at. His stepfather initially tried to treat the sons equally, but after seeing his wife’s example, he began to copy her behavior. Fedya at home was like a punching bag—something goes wrong and you want to get rid of negativity—you could yell at him or beat him up. Life in the dormitory was hard. Perhaps because of a difficult childhood, Fyodor found it hard to get along with his classmates. He only felt good in the library with books. Books could not offend, accidentally hurt feelings, could not betray. Immersing himself in one world or another, Fyodor seemed to live the lives of the heroes along with them. He felt loved, at least in that way, fictitiously.
When the guy graduated from university and got a job, he started renting an apartment. He didn’t want to return to a home where he was needed by no one. However, at this moment in his life, a breakthrough occurred—his mother called, asking for a meeting. She repented before her son, talked about how wrong she had been. Deprived of attention and love in childhood, Fyodor took his mother’s repentance at face value. He decided that she really had come to her senses, that he had a chance to experience parental love at least now. Fyodor began to be invited to joint holidays. The mother called and asked how her son was doing. Fyodor was happy, but he didn’t yet understand where this was all going.
At first, the mother began indirectly, asking to help with the younger brother, whose university studies were going poorly, and then… to do a paper… a report… a term paper for Alexei. Fyodor helped because his mother asked kindly, praised him, and said they certainly wouldn’t have managed without such a smart son. The boy was as happy as a child. His mother hadn’t praised him the same way for the gold medal received at school… for getting into university on a budget. Sometimes the woman whispered to her son that his brother was dim-witted, which is why he needed help. Fyodor was happy. He received the recognition he so needed. As soon as his brother barely graduated from university, financial difficulties began. The mother called Fyodor and asked him to transfer money to his brother because he had gotten into trouble… or had gotten into debt and couldn’t get out.
Alexei’s father and Fyodor’s stepfather, Nikolai Konstantinovich, tired of such family life, left his wife and went to another woman. Fyodor consoled his mother, promised that he would not leave them with his brother, but lately, the calls had become more frequent. Squeezing himself in expenses, Fyodor gave almost all his earned money to his mother. It was necessary to buy warm clothes for the winter… but there simply was no money for that. As soon as the guy told his mother that he couldn’t help with anything, accusations immediately flew at him. The woman screamed about how bad he was. Then she apologized, of course, said that she had flared up and said all this on the nerves, but the residue remained.
«Fedya, what are you really? Your mom is using you!» – a school friend, Sveta, once said.
Fyodor had been communicating with Sveta since the seventh grade. He liked the girl, but he was afraid to lose their friendship—the only bright thing in his life—so he never confessed his feelings to her. Only Sveta and her parents supported him. Sometimes Fyodor even thought that they loved him more than his own mother. Though, did she love him?
Thinking about his friend’s words, Fyodor realized that he had indeed been deceiving himself all this time. He so much counted on receiving crumbs of maternal love that he turned into an obedient doggie, wagging its tail as soon as an appetizing bone was twirled in front of his nose.
This time he had absolutely no desire to answer the call from his mother. Fyodor was planning to call Sveta and invite her for a walk, but she called him first. The tearful girl reported that her father was in the hospital. Emergency heart surgery was urgently needed. They could not do such a policy urgently because of the queues, and they had no money for paid treatment.
«Fedya, I’ll try to get a loan from the bank. Can I use your number? They ask for someone from acquaintances.»
«Of course, specify. You’re still asking!»
Fyodor was worried. He suddenly thought that if he hadn’t given all his money to his mother and for his brother’s entertainment, he would have already saved enough money.
No… he no longer planned to curry favor for false love. If people really love and care about him, they will appear not only at moments when something urgently needed from him.
Svetlana was denied the loan. Meeting her, Fyodor decided that he must help. The girl’s family cared for him… He could not leave them in trouble. If her father died, Fyodor would never forgive himself for inaction. The guy approached his boss, knowing that good employees could get an interest-free installment at work. After listening to him, Ilya Vasilievich immediately sent Fyodor to the accounting department, saying that they would withhold twenty percent of the salary monthly to pay off. It was a real gift. Even giving away fifty, Fyodor could live without needing anything.
«Fedka, you are the best!» – crying, Sveta hung on the boy’s neck. «Thank you for finding the money. I will give back every last penny.»
«Say that again! You’ll still need money for rehabilitation. Don’t even think about it now! Pray for your father. And I will too.»
During the operation, Fyodor sat next to Sveta and her mother. He was as anxious as they were and sighed with relief as soon as the doctor came out and reported that everything had gone successfully. For the first time in his life, Fyodor felt that he had done something right. Helping his brother, he felt a weight on his heart, but now he knew for sure that he had managed to help someone truly, that all this was not in vain.
«Thank you,» thanked Fyodor’s mother Svetlana. «You have always been like a native to us. It’s just a pity that you and Sveta are not together. She’s been in love with you since the seventh grade.»
The woman gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, realizing that she had blurted out, and Fyodor was only glad. Could it be that all this time his feelings were mutual? He decided that he would overcome his fears and talk to Sveta as soon as everything calmed down, and her father really got better. He was still in intensive care, much could change. In such a situation, there was no time to talk about matters of the heart.
Returning home, Fyodor saw his mother sitting on a bench at his entrance.
«He showed up, didn’t get dusty!» – the woman flared up. – What does this mean? You haven’t answered calls for several days! He’s not at home! Where have you been walking on your day off?
«It seems I’m adult enough not to justify myself,» Fyodor dryly replied.
The guy knew perfectly well that if he told his mother what he was busy with, she would judge. She would even rush to trouble Svetlana’s mother’s nerves and demand to return the entire amount. He decided that he should not say anything to his mother. After all, she really wasn’t interested.
«Look how he talks. The mother worries! I thought something happened to you, and you!..
«I’m tired today… You go home. I don’t want to talk anyway, and I can’t help with money. I don’t have any myself right now.»
«What a selfish person you are! How could I miss the moment when you grew up to be a real selfish person? It’s just some kind of nightmare!»
«Did you come to insult me?» – Fyodor asked calmly. – It won’t work. I’m not offended. Go home. It’s getting dark already.
«Wait!» – The woman clutched her son’s arm. She trembled all over, and tears welled up in her eyes.
For a moment, Fyodor thought that his mother was really worried about him. Something twitched in his heart, but it instantly turned to stone as soon as his mother spoke again:
«You have to help your brother! The situation is terrible! Fedya, no one but you can help. Only you are our hope. Alexei got into a nasty situation. He and his wife Tanyushka were attacked in an alley… He managed to fend off the attackers, but severely injured one, and he filed a lawsuit. Your brother will be imprisoned. Understand, Fedya… He won’t survive behind bars. He’s not used to it. They will make him a punching bag there. Take your brother’s blame on yourself. I beg you, Fedya. Want, I’ll kneel before you? Come clean. Say that you were with him at that moment and it was you who beat that guy? Your brother’s wife is pregnant, and you still live alone. No one will grieve.
Fyodor wanted to laugh out loud. He knew his brother well. If someone had really attacked them, Alexei would have left his pregnant wife to sort it out and run away, flashing his heels. The only ones he could have fought with were his drinking buddies… Anyway, Fyodor didn’t plan to take his brother’s blame. The man thought that if Alexei was imprisoned, his wife would breathe easily. He didn’t know how a smart girl, seemingly at first glance, ever rushed into marriage with Alexei, but it was her conscious choice. She must have seen her chosen one and knew what she was agreeing to.
«You’re right, mom, – you certainly won’t grieve. All this time you’ve been throwing dust in my eyes, making me believe that I really became needed by my family… I dreamed of maternal love, and you knew that well. Was it nice to manipulate me? Probably laughed that I, like an obedient dog, did everything for a portion of false flattery? Those times have passed, and I have seen the light. Enough of what I gave you. Whatever really happened – if my brother is actually guilty, then let him answer.
«Don’t you dare refuse! I will curse you! There’s nothing worse than a mother’s curse, just so you know!
«Maybe you’re right. There’s just one problem – I don’t have a mother.
The words were hard to say. Fyodor barely held back tears welling up in his eyes at that moment. He loved his mother, no matter how she behaved. For every kick from her, he found excuses, but now it was time to admit the harsh truth.
«The woman who gave birth to me hated me all this time. She was never sincere with me… At least now admit it honestly. I never had and don’t have a mother. I was born as a side effect of your weakness before my father… You hated him too, unclear why then you even got involved with him. But that’s your business, mom… That’s all. Enough of the falsehood. I will not support my brother.
«You’re right! Every time it was hard for me to squeeze out love for you, but for money and profit, one can go to such lengths! You really won’t have a mother anymore! May all the bad that exists in this life cover you.
The mother left, and Fyodor felt hot tears roll down his cheeks. He sighed heavily and entered the apartment. That was the end. It was long overdue to admit that his mother would never truly love him.
Soon Sveta’s father recovered. The girl did not stop thanking Fyodor and asked him not to refuse the money she would gradually return to him.
«Svet, how do you feel about going on a date with me? I’m not suggesting this because of the help to your father, I’ve just been in love with you for a long time… was afraid to say it, to not lose our friendship, but your mom accidentally blurted out that you too… if the feelings have passed, I’ll understand.
Sveta squealed with joy, threw herself into Fyodor’s arms, and burst into tears. She too was afraid to destroy their friendship, so she kept silent and hid her feelings, but now they had to make up for lost time.
«I’ll go with you on a date if you agree that I’ll return the money you gave for my father’s surgery!» – Sveta sternly said and raised her chin.
«Agreed. It will go to our common family budget anyway,» Fyodor smiled.
«Family?» – Sveta shockingly widened her eyes.
«You know me too well. I’m not the kind who changes his choice… and if I start dating a girl, it’s only so that she would become my wife in the future.
Sveta cried even harder and nodded. Fyodor understood that no mother’s curses would come true. He should have long ago let go of the situation that was pulling him down and become bolder, but he was glad that he did it now.
