«Mash, don’t forget to lock the door,» mom said tiredly, getting up from the table.
«Mom, how many times? Are you going to remind me for the rest of your life?» fifteen-year-old Masha responded resentfully.
«Not for the rest of your life, but as long as grandma lives with us. If she goes outside, she’ll get lost and…»
«And she’ll die under a fence, and we’ll live with the guilt… Mom, maybe just let her?» Masha asked defiantly.
«Let her what?» Mom didn’t understand.
«Let her go and get lost. You yourself said you’re tired of dealing with her.»
«How can you say that? She’s my mother-in-law, not my own flesh and blood, but for you, she’s your real grandmother.»
«Grandmother?» Masha squinted her eyes, as she always did when she started to get angry. «And where was she when her son abandoned us? When she refused to babysit me? With her own granddaughter? She didn’t care about you when you took on everything just to earn an extra penny… And she even blamed you for my father leaving…»
«Stop right now!» mom shrieked. «I shouldn’t have told you all this.» Mom sighed. «I raised you poorly if you have no compassion for your own family. It scares me. How will you treat me when I get old? What’s wrong with you? You used to be such a kind girl. You couldn’t pass by a stray kitten or puppy without bringing it home. But grandma is not a puppy…» Mom shook her head tiredly. «She’s already punished. Your father didn’t just leave us; he abandoned her too.»
«Mom, go to work, you’ll be late. I promise I’ll lock the door,» Masha looked guiltily at her mom.
«Alright, let’s not say things we might regret…» but mom didn’t move.
«Mom, forgive me, but it’s painful to see you like this. Skin and bones. You’re only forty, and you walk hunched over like an old woman, barely moving your legs. Always tired. Why are you looking at me like that? Who else will tell you the truth if not your own daughter?» Masha didn’t realize her voice had risen again.
«Thank you. Make sure she doesn’t turn on the gas and let the bath overflow.»
«Exactly, I’m saying, we sit with her like we’re tied down. No life. Mom, let’s put her in a nursing home. She’ll be under constant supervision there. She doesn’t understand anything…»
«You again?» mom interrupted Masha.
«It would be better for everyone, especially for her,» Masha continued, oblivious to her mother’s growing irritation.
«I don’t want to hear this anymore. I’m not putting her anywhere. How much longer does she have? Let her be at home…»
«She might outlive both of us. Go to work. I won’t go anywhere, I’ll lock the door, I promise,» Masha repeated angrily.
«I’m sorry. I’ve put too much on you… Everyone else is out having fun, and you’re stuck home watching grandma.»
They talked, ignoring the open door to grandma’s room. She likely heard everything, though she probably didn’t understand and would forget all about it in a minute.
Mom went to work, and Masha entered her old room, now grandma’s.
«Ba, do you want anything?» she asked.
Grandma’s look didn’t express any desire.
«Come on, I’ll give you some candy,» Masha helped her grandmother stand and led her to the kitchen.
«And who are you?» grandma stared at Masha with a vacant look.
«Drink your tea.» Masha sighed and placed a candy in front of grandma.
Grandma loved sweets. She and her mom hid them from her, giving her just one piece with her tea. Masha watched as grandma unwrapped the bright wrapper. Through the thinning gray hair, the pale skin of her head was visible. Masha looked away.
Grandma used to style and tease her hair, apply bright lipstick, and draw her eyebrows in arches. Masha remembered the sweet scent of her perfume. Men always noticed grandma, until she began to lose her mind.
Masha couldn’t figure out her feelings towards her grandmother: pity, regret, aversion? A doorbell rang, pulling her from her thoughts.
«Mom probably forgot something.» Masha went to open the door.
But it was her friend, high school senior Sergey. Mom didn’t approve of their friendship, so he tried to visit when she wasn’t home.
«Hi. Why so early? Mom just left,» Masha whispered.
«I know. She didn’t see me.»
«Mila!» a voice called from the kitchen.
«And who’s Mila?» asked Sergey.
«She calls mom that and thinks she’s her daughter. I’ll take her to her room now. Go to the bathroom and stay quiet. She’s lucid today.» Masha nudged Sergey towards the bathroom door.
«No one’s there.» Masha entered the kitchen and saw an empty cup and a wrapper on the table.
«I want some tea,» said grandma.
«But…» Masha realized the futility of her explanations.
Grandma quickly forgot things, especially recent events. However, she remembered her distant past well. She often got confused and didn’t recognize them. But she had moments of clarity, though they were short and rare.
Masha couldn’t tell if grandma was feigning forgetfulness for another candy or genuinely forgot she had just had tea. Who could tell? Masha sighed, placed another cup of tea and another candy on the table for grandma.
Grandma unwrapped the candy with unsteady fingers. After the cup was empty, Masha led her to her room, settled her on the bed.
«Now sleep,» she said and closed the door behind her.
Sergey peeked out of the bathroom.
«Can I come out?»
«Yes. Come to the kitchen.» Masha glanced at the door to make sure it was locked, then followed Sergey.
They sat in the kitchen, head to head, listening to music on a phone — each with one earbud. Masha closed her eyes, nodding to the music. She didn’t notice as grandma slipped into the hallway…
When Masha went to see Sergey out, she saw the door open. She rushed to the room, but grandma wasn’t there.
«The door… I didn’t lock the door. She’s gone. Mom will think I did it on purpose,» Masha nearly cried.
«Why would she think that?» asked Sergey.
«You don’t understand. I just said today that it would be better if she wandered off and got lost. Mom will think I left the door unlocked on purpose, to spite her.»
«Alright, get dressed, we’ll look for her. She couldn’t have gone far,» said Sergey.
Masha glanced at the coat rack—grandma’s quilted coat was in its place. The boots too.
«Did she leave in her slippers and robe?» Masha asked Sergey, bewildered.
«Maybe she’s at the neighbors’? Went out to the landing and didn’t recognize her own door… I’ll check the courtyard, and you go door to door,» Sergey said and ran down the stairs.
But no one answered the doorbells on her floor. Masha didn’t bother with more neighbors, rushing outside instead. Sergey was running around the courtyard, looking under bushes and the children’s slide…
«She’s nowhere. Let’s check the neighboring yards. You go right, and I’ll go left. Whoever finds her first calls the other. We’ll meet back here,» Sergey commanded and ran out of the courtyard.
Masha even ran to the bus stop. Grandma was nowhere to be found. How much time had passed since she left? Half an hour? Forty minutes? How far could she get in slippers and a robe?
«We need to call the police,» she said.
«Wait. Think about what she talks about most often, where she liked to go?» Sergey asked, panting.
Masha thought but couldn’t remember anything specific. She shrugged.
«Okay, let’s expand the search area. You run towards the school, and I’ll go the other way,» he gestured in the opposite direction.
Not all street lights were on. Masha tried to quickly pass the dark, unlit stretches of the street, feeling as if someone was hiding behind the bushes. Approaching the school, she suddenly remembered a story grandma had told. Once, she had forgotten a notebook in class and went back for it, but the janitor had locked the front door. Grandma had jumped out of a first-floor window and nearly broke her leg.
Although grandma hadn’t attended this school, she always told this story when passing by. Masha pushed the gate in the fence—it was unlocked. The school building was typical, built in the shape of a «P». She rounded one wing and saw a group of boys. They were laughing at someone. «Grandma!» Masha realized and ran towards them.
Grandma stood in the middle of the yard in her gray-blue robe. One of the boys was offering her an empty candy wrapper. As grandma reached for it, thinking it was candy, the boy pulled his hand back, and the boys all laughed together.
«She doesn’t understand anything. Which loony bin did you escape from? Want a candy?» the boy taunted again, offering the wrapper.
«Leave her alone!» Masha shouted loudly.
The boys turned to look at her.
«Look, another one!»
«Who are you? Her granddaughter?»
«Did you escape from the loony bin with grandma?»
«Hey, the granddaughter isn’t bad. Want a candy?» The boy with the wrapper approached Masha.
The others followed him.
Masha stepped back. The boys closed in on her, blocking grandma from view. They weren’t laughing anymore, looking boldly, sensing her fear and their power. Masha backed up against the fence bars. The gate was left behind. On command, the boys lunged at her.
Masha flailed in the air, trying to keep them at a distance, but they were three. One of the boys grabbed her arms, the others pressed against Masha, pinning her to the fence—immovable. They groped her, deciding who would go first…
«Back off from her now!» Sergey yelled nearby.
Two of the boys stepped back, but the third continued to hold her arms. Now the boys fought with Sergey. Masha kicked the boy holding her. He howled and let her go. She saw a piece of board on the ground, picked it up, ran to the fighting boys, and tried to hit one of them on the head, but due to her height, it hit his back.
The boy cursed and charged at Masha. She ran towards the gate.
«Lady, come to us. We called the police…» Masha saw a man and a woman on the other side of the fence. «These hooligans, making life miserable…»
The mention of the police made the boys run away. Masha returned to Sergey.
«That’s what you get for helping. No gratitude,» the man muttered behind her.
«Forget it, the main thing is that it’s over,» the woman said.
Masha helped Sergey up from the ground. They approached the frightened grandmother, who was cowering, thinking it was the hooligans again.
«Ba, it’s me, Masha. Let’s go home.» Masha hugged her grandmother.
«Which Masha? I’m waiting for Borya. His classes will end soon…»
«Ba, Borya finished school a long time ago. Let’s go.»
«I heard everything,» suddenly said the grandmother.
«What did you hear?» Masha asked, frightened, though she immediately understood what she meant.
Maybe she really understands more than they think?
«Mila wants to put me in a nursing home. Don’t let her,» the grandmother sobbed.
«Okay, let’s go, it’s cold, and you’re in just a robe. You’ll get sick, and they’ll put you in the hospital…»
«I don’t want to go to the hospital,» the grandmother sobbed.
Sergey and Masha brought the grandmother home. Masha changed her clothes, gave her hot tea with a candy, and put her to bed.
«How will you get home? You’re all dirty, covered in blood.» Masha and Sergey stood in the doorway of the apartment.
«It’s okay, the main thing is we found grandma. And you did well, weren’t scared,» Sergey smiled.
«I was very scared. If you hadn’t arrived in time…»
«It’s alright. Sorry. It’s my fault, I didn’t lock the door…»
Masha locked the door after Sergey and sat down at the kitchen table. She was no longer shaking, but she couldn’t calm down. She thought about if she hadn’t found her grandmother, she would have had to live with guilt for the rest of her life, as her mother said. It was good that everything turned out alright…
She felt ashamed of the argument with her mother. Her mother had it much harder. She only cared for one grandmother, her own mother, who had suffered from cancer for two years. Now her ex-husband’s mother had asked for help… Masha was only fifteen, with her whole life ahead of her, she would have time to enjoy herself. And how much time did her grandmother have left? Let her live happily in her ignorance, in her childhood, in her forgetfulness.
She couldn’t imagine her mother becoming the same way, not recognizing Masha as she aged. She even thought it might be better to lose physical health than to lose her mind. No, it would be better if there were no diseases at all, especially incurable ones. Let people die simply of old age.
Masha pondered the injustices of life. Suppose the grandmother was being punished for something, but they were the ones suffering, and the grandmother didn’t understand anything. Did she and her mother deserve all this? Maybe it was necessary to teach Masha empathy and compassion? To test her strength? To prepare her for life? To prevent her from rash words and actions?
For the first time, Masha thought about things that her peers hardly ever considered. She felt as if she had grown up a lifetime in one night. When her mother arrived, Masha hadn’t gone to bed yet.
«Are you already up? Is everything okay?» her mother tiredly sat on the chair next to Masha.
«It’s all good. Want some tea?» asked Masha.
«Yes.»
Masha placed two cups on the table and put two candies out. They looked at each other and laughed, unable to stop for a long time…
«Perhaps senile dementia is given as a mercy to those who cannot face their past.»
Colleen McCullough
«All men want to live long, but no one wants to be old.»
